Wednesday, December 30, 2009

And the rest of the players....

It's a small world...

A confusing looking board game. But you get the hang of it eventually.
The best part is spending time with family :)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

One year + one

Happy report... one year down and no-recurrence of pancreatitis! I was actually worried the last few days that I'd end up in the hospital again. I had similar stress, escalation at work over the weekend, projected F'd up, etc. etc. But this time.. no hospital trip. All heartburn is obviously stress related, the latest doctor eval of my issue said some abnormal cells but they were probably just due to scarring from the biopsy so my next appointment is April. *fingers crossed*

Can't wait for 2010!

My job.. step by step


  1. talk to the end customer
  2. work with them to determine their requirements
  3. go to the development teams
  4. go back to the customer and figure out what they absolutely HAVE to HAVE
  5. go back to dev and get commitment from them on when they can deliver what the customer needs
  6. tell the customer they'll get what they have to have (not what they want) on X date
  7. dev says they can't do X date (even though they committed to X date)
  8. go back to the customer and tell them they won't get it on X date
  9. go back to dev and demand a REALLY committed date
  10. dev gives Y date
  11. go back to the customer and tell them they'll get it on Y date and Y date is REALLY committed
  12. dev teams say nope, can't make Y date
  13. go back to the customer and tell them they can't get what they need on Y date
  14. dev teams say they could give the customer less than what they need on Z date (Z=Y+6months) this time they're really REALLY committed
  15. go back to customer and ask them if they would like some lube as they get screwed yet again

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A sunset and morning in the Valley of Fire...

[The story of the trip to the Valley of Fire for a marathon, with my friend Chris.]

We arrived at the Valley of Fire Friday afternoon, we chose to drive through the park to try to understand how bad the "hill from hell" would be. The "hill from hell" was a hill from mile 13 to mile 20. It climbs 1000' over that distance, but the real HILL FROM HELL was the hill from mile 17.5 to mile 20. As we drove into the park we saw a lonely purple port-o-let on the side of the road about a quarter mile before the road dove down into the Valley of Fire. I thought that was a strange spot to put a port-o-let. The next day I would find out why. As we drove into the valley we stared seeing American flags and mile marker signs for the VOF Marathon. We realized we were actually driving on the next day's race course. When we realized that we were thinking the hill from hell wasn't *that* bad. Not impossible by any means. We drove further into the valley and stopped at Atlatl Rock to take some photos of the rock and the valley. The rock had petroglyphs that were very cool. We knew the race course looped around that rock on the way to the HILL FROM HELL. So we drove the loop, many of the photos here are from the loop and the rock. All of the photos are from the 2nd half of the course. The first half of the course is in the photos here. After completing the loop we continued down past the visitor center and on to Overton for our night's stay before the race. We were re-assured, the hill from hell didn't appear all that bad, the valley was truly incredibly beautiful. Our spirits were mellow. We weren't really terribly concerned because we didn't have pressure to turn in a particular time. Just finish.

The next morning we left the hotel a 6:10 for a race that started at 7. That was nice :) We got to the visitor's center (the start) and picked up our chips, dropped our sweats at the "bag check". (The bag check was wherever people wanted to put their bags.) And prepared to start. The weather was cool, not at all cold. I quickly took off the long sleeve shirt I was planning to start in. I wouldn't need it. No lines at the port-o-lets.A big cow was being inflated to help us find the finish line. We lined up at the start with what seemed to be about 50 other people. A gentlemen sang the national anthem and we were off.

The First Half

The course left the visitor center and immediately turned right and UP straight UP. We climbed a over 400 feet in the first mile, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down, then up.. you get my drift. The first half of the course was ALL HILLS. Actually approximately 2000' of climb and descent in the first half of the race according to my Garmin. NOT what we had expected. Yes, the website did show hills in the first half, but they made such a big deal about the HILL FROM HELL, we just didn't internalize the hills of the first half and their likely impact. Our plan was to do a run / walk interval of 6/2. However, we quickly decided to do our walks on the UPs and runs on the DOWNs. Its good we decided on this plan.. Chris' Garmin, which was tracking our intervals, flipped out after about 9 miles and stopped working. Speaking of Chris, did I mention she's a hiker? Chris can walk up a hill faster than most people run them. It was very good for me to try to hang with her, my walking was much faster than it would have been otherwise. I have finally locked in a great downhill running technique and Chris would try to hang with me on the downhills. We figure between the two of us, we have one great runner :). Anyway, that's what the first half was like, Up and Down, and Up and Down. One would think this is hell, but it was not. The scenery was amazing, just amazing. The photos at the links above don't really do it justice. But it was awesome. Whenever I was feeling bad, I would look around me and get distracted by the incredible vistas we ran through.

We also met some interesting people on the first half... the race was more like a trail run or an ultra than your standard marathon. Those of us not worried about winning were quite interested in starting up conversations with people we passed and who passed us.

First we met GoArt. We called him GoArt because he has a shirt that says "Yell 'Go Art!'". When talking with this gentlemen, we found he was a dentist from the east coast. He was running his 256th marathon and he was planning on running another marathon on Sunday in Kansas. He'd done 3 "circuits" of the 50 states and he had run a marathon on 4 of the 7 continents. He wants to be the first dentist to run a marathon on the 7 continents. He said he wanted to finish under 6, we wanted to finish under 7. He said we would have no problem. He pulled ahead, later we passed him as he was asking a bunch of kids who were running the 10k to guess how many marathons he had run.. it was funny. "How many marathons have I run?", "10", "Higher", "100", "Higher", 200, "higher", etc. We passed him there and didn't see him again until mile 21.

Next we met Pepe from Corsica. Pepe hadn't run too many marathons. He actually lived on the East Coast. But he kept saying how he should have brought the right charger for his camera because no-one would believe him when he described the terrain. He said he had a bad burrito the day before and ended up spending the day in the bathroom. That was affecting his race. We had fun talking with him for several miles. Discussing barefoot running and vegan diets. Then he pulled ahead of us for a while.

The first half was all hills and chatting with the other runners. I'd never been to a marathon where so many people that were willing or interested to talk. It was more like a trail run than a typical marathon. The hills added to that aspect. As we came back down the steep hill to the start/finish/halfway point my groin pull injury from 4 years ago flared up hard. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to go on, but I just kept running.... the pain eventually subsided. Chris and I debated and we decided to go ahead and do the full. We had completed the half in 2:30 which, while not great, was definitely enough time for us to walk the last 13 miles if we had to.

The Second Half

On to the second half, we passed GoArt shortly before the half way point. We caught up with Pepe again and ran with him for a couple miles until he pulled away shortly before Atlatl Rock and the loop around that point. The stretch from the mid point to Atlatl Rock looked flat, it wasn't. It was up hill. This was the beginning of the 1000' climb to the 20ish mile turn around point. For the first bit we ran a bit and walked a bit, and repeated. We put together a run at the beginning of the Atlatl loop but it soon stared climbing again.

I believe it was somewhere before we go to Atlatl that I asked Chris if she would ever run this course again. She said "no". I agreed. This was my 11th marathon and definitely the hardest I'd ever run. It was more like a trail run than a paved marathon in difficulty. The scenery was amazing, but having seen it on foot once, neither of us felt a burning desire to see it on foot again.

We ran whenever there was a down hill, but I started dragging even more. My legs just didn't want to run. We finished the loop and started up the road we drove in the day before. The miles passed amazingly fast considering we were doing 13 - 16 minute miles on the up hills, and all of 13 - 20 was up hill. Finally Chris went on ahead of me, I just couldn't keep up with her power hike walking. She would glance back once in a while and I would wave.

I came around a turn and I saw the road we were on going up a long, steep, hill to the valley edge. I actually said aloud "Oh, Hell No." as I realized there were dots of runners running UP that f*ing hill. THIS was the HILL FROM HELL. It was then that I remembered that lonely port-o-let a quarter mile away from the valley edge. I knew then that was where I was going. Chris was disappearing up the hill, I was trudging after.. another fellow was between us for most of this distance. Chris stopped at the top to take a photo of the valley from the top. I caught up with her and we ran together to the final turn around.

We stopped at the turn around, gelled, bathroomed, watered, and generally delayed. Finally it was time to do the return trip. I told Chris to go on ahead. I could do the rest of this on my own. She seemed to have picked up on my downhill running technique. She quickly pulled away. One the way back down the HILL FROM HELL I saw GoArt. He said he ended up running an extra mile in the campground. I don't know how he did that, the campgrounds were near the Atlatl loop and clearly marked with "RUNNERS DON'T GO HERE". I figure maybe 26.2 wasn't far enough for GoArt.

All that remained was 6 miles down. My downhill running technique relied on legs that could keep up with gravity. I did the best I could, better than I expected. But it was hard. I stopped at every water stop, gasping and coughing, but I was OK. I walked on any excuse of an uphill I could find. Finally I got past 23 miles and I could see the visitor center with the large cow in the distance. I ran, slowly, but I ran. As I did I thought of all of the challenges this year, both for myself and my family and I didn't care a bit about my time. I was finishing this marathon! I almost cried, but didn't. Didn't quite have the breath for it.

Got to the final "slight uphill" towards the finish. Couldn't run anymore. I walked as fast as I could, turned the corner and ran as fast as I could. I crossed the finish line in 5:34. I couldn't breathe very well at the finish. I got my medal, they took my chip, handed me some cold, wet, rags. I just coughed and coughed. Chris was there. Pepe from Corsica congratulated me. It was great. It took some time to catch my breath. We headed over to the blow up cow for chocolate milk. We quickly downed the milk and made sure to keep moving around.

The End

We were both stunned. The course was significantly more difficult than we had expected. It was the hardest marathon course I've ever run, (out of 11), but we both did very good. Chris finished about 7 minutes before me I think she could have finished another 10 - 15 minutes quicker if she hadn't stuck with me.. but then again, she could have worn herself out early. We were just thrilled with our result. The course was amazing, the weather perfect and the people were awesome. Pepe did well and talking with him we agreed yet again to not run this course again.

At this point we were introduced to Cowboy Jeff, Cowboy because of his trademark hat that he wears on his marathons. He's a Marathon Maniac... its a group that makes the people who run all 50 states look mundane and perhaps a bit lazy. He was on his nth circuit of the 50 states... on his way to somewhere back east for another marathon next weekend. He, too, agreed this was the hardest marathon he'd run. Chris and I agreed that this course made Big Sur (famous for difficult hills) look flat. Cowboy Jeff had never run Big Sur but we told him he really needs to :-)

We felt recovered enough to hobble back towards the car.. both of us sore, but not injured. As we made our way back to the car we saw GoArt headed up towards the finish. He looked totally spent. Cowboy Jeff offered him water.. GoArt just grunted and kept walking. Well, that's what happens when 26.2 isn't enough. I am hoping GoArt had an easier marathon on Sunday.

We went back to the dusty parking lot and a couple was trying to get out of the sand pit they parked in. They were using their floor mats to try to get out of the pit. That wasn't working well. We all walked up and volunteered to LEAN on the truck and help them get out... it worked. We said goodbye to the stuck couple. Goodbye to Cowboy Jeff. Got in the car and drove back to the hotel for a shower. On the way out we saw GoArt. He was looking much better. Hopefully he had a great race today.

The last note.. on our flight back to San Jose we sat next to a guy from China.. he was quite talkative. Chris told him about our marathon, etc. When we landed Chris and I got our bags and we hobbled up the jetway.. the Chinese guy was right behind us. When we got out of the jetway he said, I'm not kidding.

"You call yourselves marathoners? You walk like ducks. I walk faster than you!"

We laughed and explained that most marathoners walk like this after a marathon and he would be walking like that too if he had run the Valley of Fire Marathon :)

If you would like to see the stats of the race... this is the link off my Garmin. Go to the splits tab for splits, ignore the last split, I hit "lap" instead of "stop". The player tab shows the elevation and pace and you can even see the terrain and satellite view of the course. They haven't posted the official results yet. When they do I'll link to them. For me the event was 3,239 feet of climbing, 3,187 feet of descent, 5 hours 34 minutes of running. More like a trail run than a marathon. But very very rewarding.

All in all, I'm very pleased with the result and extremely happy I did it. I will never run that course again. But it was worth the trip... and I DID IT!

Post script:
More pictures, and results. I finished 71 out of 80. I'm still happy about it!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Battle plans never survive contact with the enemy.

Seems to be the story of my year.. so far. Most recently, the project I've been involved with for the last two years looks like it will be slipping yet again. I was really REALLY *REALLY* hoping it would ship before I turned 40. For some reason having it going on from my 38th year into my 40th year is disturbing to me. As a "Type E" personality, I really don't like things that take that long.

Other plans that have fallen apart this year:

  • Eugene Marathon? - gone, ran the half due to surgery a month earlier
  • San Francisco Half? - gone, didn't run due to surgery 3 weeks earlier
  • Idaho Falls Half Marathon? - did complete... not fast, but fun because I got to run it with sibs.
  • Pacific Grove Tri? - Olympic Distance - gone, did the Sprint Distance due to family and work issues
  • Valley of Fire Marathon? - questionable, sickness, work travel and husband's work travel have conspired again.. but I'm going to try really REALLY hard. I think I can finish under 7 hours.. even with a 1000 ft, 7 mile long hill.


Ok, Ok... most people would be happy to do even one half.. but I push myself hard and I know, given a chance, I could have done all of those things. I love the "exhilaration of exhaustion" - exhaustion from effort.. not exhaustion from sickness, illness or surgery. I did manage to run "Goofy's Race and a Half" in January less than a month after a hospital trip for acute pancreatitis. So that's not so bad.

Work has been hell this year, my health has not been up to snuff, my training has sucked, my family has needed me (I'm happy to do that one).

I'm just trying to figure out.. who is the enemy?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

My First Triathlon - Sept 13 - Pac Grove Tri - Sprint Distance

I figured I should blog about my first Tri for posterity's sake.. so when I become a world famous Ironman Triathlete I can look back at my first tri and see how far I've come :) .. OK, probably not going to be a world famous triathlete.. but anyway, it was an experience.. not an easy one, but one worth blogging about.

The training for the Tri was very fun, when I was able to do it. I trained with a couple friends of mine who HAVE completed Ironman events, some more than once. Also trained with some friends who have never done a tri before. I think, out of the people who did a tri that weekend, I was the weakest swimmer, but everyone has a weakness. The best part of the training was the riding on Sundays and swimming on Wednesdays with my friends Kellie and Larry. Kellie taught me a lot about swimming and gave me very very valuable pointers on form and technique. Too bad I didn't use half of them in the event (never put my head in the water) but they gave me the confidence to try. Larry and Kellie (father and daughter), Bill and Ollie (father and son) all did the Olympic distance event on Saturday. Jessica and I did the sprint distance on Sunday.

Anyway, on to the description of the race most of this is in response to a question from my siblings on "how did it feel"... so sibs, sorry, you've seen this already. But my IRs may enjoy.


How did it feel?

It didn't feel very good... I've been learning swimming. I got pretty competent in the pool, able to swim freestyle and breathe comfortably. But I'm not at the point where I can do that comfortably in murky ocean water covered in kelp. So I did the whole swim with my head out of the water. While that made me easy to spot by my friends, it made it much more difficult. I basically hyperventilated my way through the swim. I finished that, then got out of the water... tottered my way to the transition area, took off the wet suit, put on a tri shirt, helmet, bike gloves and gulped down some Gatorade...

off to the bike leg, where I was still gasping for breath the whole time. There was an unfortunate optical illusion on the way out of the first of the two out-and-back legs... it looked like we were going down hill.. but my body was telling me it was hard and i was on the easiest gear on my bike and my legs hurt and i was getting passed by EVERYONE. Then I got to the turn around and found out by going downhill that the "out" leg was really uphill. That made the second leg mentally easier, but I still couldn't breathe, and it seemed I was the only one left on the course.

Finally, 3 minute transition to the run, helmet and bike shoes off, running shoes on ... legs killing me, not able to breathe, want to cough or throw up or something... first lap was miserable, second lap was miserable until the last quarter mile where I finally caught my breath and my stride. I did pass people on the run leg.

I ended up finishing 6 minutes behind my friend who I really wanted to beat... but she was thrilled because she had never beat me in anything before (guess what, she's a very strong swimmer). She earned the victory :)

It was hard.. I wouldn't call it "fun" (I call marathons "fun"). I'm not running out to sign up for another one right away but I'll probably do another one some day.. maybe a Half Ironman so I can have more time to get my stride or something in clear water where I can see.


Here are the stats.
In case you're wondering, I was 444 out of 517 overall. It was one of the harder hour and a halfs of my short adult onset athletic life, but it was a good experience. Especially now that I look at it with the perspective of all things that have been going on in my lift that have not been helping with training (thank you Shifter for pointing that out!). Yes, Sibs, Kellie and Larry, I'll admit it. I did good. :)

There are pictures from my and my friend's events in the side bar on the right.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

If a watermelon could scream...

would it taste like what I ate this morning?

I can only assume so.. seeing as the gelatinous substance in the vaguely shark shape that stuck to my teeth like super glue had a package saying the Sharkies were Watermelon Scream flavor. Sharkies have the carbs (aka sugar), sodium and potassium a person would need on a long run. I didn't have my usual PowerGels with me and tried to find a "gel" type thing for my long run this morning. Thus the Sharkies.

Back to the flavor.. it didn't really taste like watermelon. Or anything in particular. It didn't taste good, but when you're running, "good" is relative and sometimes not significant. It met a need and it didn't upset my stomach (which is even more important when running).

Reading the info on the Sharkies website it looks like a good product, natural sugars and electrolytes for instance. As long as the taste and the sticking to the teeth bit doesn't bother too much, I'll go ahead and keep using what I purchased. I don't know if I'll buy more though.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Running and Ranting

I have to say, running and ranting is a good thing. I ran with two of my friends today... I asked "may I rant?" they said "yes" and I ranted.. for about 20 minutes. Half of the run. The other half we talked of other things. It was very good. I'm so happy I can run and have friends that are willing to listen to me rant. Sometimes you need both.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Truely Stupid Corporate Tricks #1

I live a corporate life from about 7:00 AM to 8:00 PM Monday - Friday... thought it would be time to share some truly stupid corporate tricks.

Trick #1.
Problem: Not enough resources to do QA for a software product....
Solution: Fire QA

Yes, friends, it is true. A rocket scientist at my office decided about a year ago that the resolution to the problem of not having enough QA resources available to QA your software product quickly was to fire the resource you had and "have the developers do their own QA". If you have worked in software development of any stripe, you know how ridiculous that is.

Fortunately, the pay off for my team was, we got a kick-ass QA resource... and for the other person's team, the "developers do their own QA". Unfortunately, the end users of the other team get to do the QA the developers don't do.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

UK July 2009

Had to share a link to pics from my recent work trip to the UK... I had to fly out on a Wednesday, back on a Wednesday. I stayed near the Heathrow Airport because the office I was visiting was in Stockley Park. However, I did get a weekend to spend on my own time... did a tour on Saturday, spent the day with a co-worker/friend on Sunday...

Saturday's travels: London, Leeds Castle (Kent), Dover, Canterbury Cathedral, Greenwitch, Thames River Cruise, Westminster (viewed the outside of Westminster Abbey and Big Ben)

Sunday's travels: Warwick Castle, Stratford-upon-Avon (Shakespeer's birthplace), Tintern Abbey (Wales) - absolutely beautiful.. want to return there and spend more time, Bristol (to see Clifton Bridge) and finally a traditional Sunday Roast at a pub in the english countryside near my co-worker's home.

All was very good. Here are the pics:

http://picasaweb.google.com/nissaRLTW/UK_July_2009

Now I lay me down to sleep...

Do you remember this prayer?

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take


I have always hated that prayer. Sleep should not be linked with death.. but with life, regeneration, restoration, peace, healing even, REST for Chrissake! ... not Lord take my soul. Yes, I know.. its not supposed to be about death.. it supposed to be a supplication that the Lord watch over you... but I could never shake the other connotation.

I've never taught my daughter that prayer.. I never will.

That's all.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

re-engineering self (or how to get used to cognitive disonnance)

Some things to catch up on... little brother.. no cancer! Father-in-law, cancer, but treatment doesn't seem to be so bad, BUT he sends a cryptic note saying he just got out of the hospital. Me, no cancer.. but it could have become cancer if we didn't catch it and remove it.

My "no cancer" experience (plus a combination of work, autoracing and my husband's work) have conspired to set me back again on my running... it seems every time I start to get my running feet back under me, something happens to shut me down for a couple weeks again. I've been knocked down so many times, I'm starting to get used to it.

I read an AWESOME book the last time I was laid out on my ass recovering from general anesthesia and minor surgery.. this one was called Born to Run. It is exactly what I needed. In my usual fashion I was panicking and thinking that I would not be able to run anymore because I'm not getting any faster (long story, tell ya later). AND I knew when I had to have the surgery (and found out the other half would be out of town for two weeks) that I would not be able to do the Olympic Distance Triathlon that I had been training for. AND I was starting to feel like my other half wasn't as supportive of my running as he used to be. ... so depression was setting in. I was going to have to quit running, exercising, everything I love.. because my body and my husband and my life were conspiring against me. Then I read Born to Run and I got inspired. That book reminded me of what I love about running... just the feeling of it. I still remember the first really hard and hilly 16 miler I ran 5 years ago, and, after conquering the last switchback and climbing the last hill.. I was running down the single track trail, feeling like I was flying, arms out like wings. And another thing I love, the camaraderie of the run, the way people take care of each other and support each other, through race and training run. I've been on both ends of that equation and they are both great.

So I've decided this year to re-engineer myself, my goals. New goal.. stay sane. New goal.. just run. New goal.. run with two of my brothers and hope they'll stay slow enough to run with me, and if they don't or can't (its hard to run slow) I'll enjoy the scenery... and finally, New Goal, skip Tuscon and just run the Valley of Fire Marathon.. not for speed (its not a fast course and not even a USTAF certified course) and not to compete with my friend (I finished 4 minutes ahead of her last year in a 30k.. I'll be eating her dust this time), nope. Just to run, in the desert, the climate that reminds me of home... though I've never lived in desert just like this.. desert just like this has always been home. I'm setting my expectations back to my 2nd TNT season.. I know what to do, I'm out of shape, and I'm just gonna run.

And, if for some reason, life strikes again, that's OK. As long as I'm healthy enough to run into town for dinner once in a while... that's better than not running at all.

Friday, June 19, 2009

What do you do when you run out of space on a hard drive... really, what do you do?

well... you (or at least I HOPE YOU) do NOT e-mail your customer that is paying top dollar for your consulting software development services and say "I can't install any software, the drive is full." and then go away because it is no longer your problem.

And.. if you are the manager of that person, you don't email the person that hasn't been on the project for 6 months (PTHBOTP - that would be ME) and say. "Help, we can't go forward with this project! we got an error message." and then when the PTHBOTP finds you contacts to work on the issue (and give you more space) and the contacts can't help because one was laid off and the other had a death in the family and the other - other one has never heard of the box... You don't email the PTHBOTP again and say "Help Us Please". At which point the PTHBOTP has this sinking feeling and suggests the terribly obvious and say "Why don't you help yourself and delete some files?" and then when you get that helpful advise you don't say "We'll try, if there's nothing else you can do." And then wonder of wonders... it actually.... wait for it... WORKS!

I mean.... why the HELL couldn't they figure out that they might want to delete their own code and temp files BEFORE halting development for a freaking DAY while they are critical path for a critical project??? WHY!?


For those of you that are reading this.. I work in high tech.. I don't like to talk about it. I prefer to be running.. but this had to be let out.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This too shall pass...

"If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy."

Too true that "this too shall pass". How fleeting anything, everything, is. "Good" news and "bad" news... always so intense and immediate, then time passes and life goes on. Run down the hill, its easy, run up the hill, its hard, but then you run down the hill again. Get the job you want, your co-worker, part of why you want the job is laid off, stress for a week.. go ahead with the job. Some little things like work, running, etc... so small compared to the real important things in life... which is life.

Little brother may have cancer, have to remove his testicle to find out... wtf? There is much hope for my brother... cancer doesn't appear to have spread, we'll know in a week what the next steps are and his prognosis is very very good. Father-in-law fights off colon cancer and it comes back into his lungs but maybe there's hope for him.

Of course, health is potentially fleeting too... from hard experience I've learned. I don't assume good health anymore. I have gratitude for being able to run, or swim, or bike... just to feel the feeling of manual motion.

This is a rambling note... things have been very upheaved for me... but, because of my family's struggles with the really important things... I'm learning to let the smaller upheavals go. slowly.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Smart Kids

A certain smart kid I know... who is now a very smart grownup... blogged about this:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-secret-to-raising-smart-kids
cool.

For myself... being one point short of genius, I know the value of hard work *laugh*

Much going on... will blog more later.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

When your child says "If I were murdered..." and its a good thing!

Ya, startling title huh... well, that's how I felt when my 10 year old daughter said it. Some background... a little girl, age 8, named Sandra Cantu was kidnapped and murdered last month. She disappeared from her mobile home park and her neighbor, mom of her friend, and sunday school teacher is now facing charges for her murder, with "special circumstances" which I will not repeat. The news has been, of course, all over the story and after a couple weeks the saturation coverage has eased a little. Not something I like my kiddo hearing about constantly.

So, why that statement? The news was discussing the large number of people that came out to try to find the girl and the thousands of people that came out to a public memorial for the girl. My daughter's complete remark was "If I were murdered, a WHOLE bunch of people would help find me. I mean ... all of NASA [the car club, not the space organization], LOTS of runners, people from the flight club, my aunts and uncles and gradmas and grandpas, my friends and all of the people at the Y. A lot of people love me."

While the thought of my daughter thinking about being murdered is not at all pleasant. I'm very glad that she knows that she is loved by many, many people. She deserves it. I hope and pray that she will never, ever, have to experience the proof of that love in that way.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A slow recovery...

not that my recovery is going all that slow. Physician Assistant says everything is going fine with my recovery. And that I can run again now. But now heavy lifting and no sit ups (I'm broken hearted, really). Got that news yesterday, 1 week after having my gall bladder removed.

Those who know me.. would expect me to be running in an instant.. but I don't want to yet. I walked a couple miles around the track today as the rest of my run team ran. And that was OK. Debating where I will run Thursday... I think I'll do it on the treadmill (not exactly the BEST thing in the world, don't like treadmills) so I can be in a controlled environment in case I'm not as good as I hope. [ Speaking of treadmills, did you hear about the treadmill NASA named after Steven Colbert? Cool huh? He seemed thrilled.]

My friends all say I must not be feeling right yet if I don't WANT to run. They're right... surgery takes a heck of a lot more out of a person that I had thought. Then again, I didn't know what to think. I am tender around the various x-holes in my abdomen. I think I'll be OK. I'm just in uncharted territory right now. Gonna take it slow and not F it up. (Please ignore the fact that I've been back at work for 2 days and have already put in OT again.)

In other news, my convalescence let me read the Dragonrider series again (Dragon Flight, Dragon Quest and The White Dragon). I'll never forget reading The White Dragon in 6th grade and how all the other kids in my class thought I was lying when I said I was on page 300something when they were reading 75 page books.

I also watched a couple Deadliest Catch "marathons". Sorta makes a difference when you watch a couple seasons worth of a show in a couple days.. you learn more about the people involved. The new season of Deadliest Catch started tonight. It looks good. I'm surprised Capt'n Phil decided to not go out with Cornelia Marie... he really must have hurt bad with that blood clot thing. Maybe him not going out with the fleet is similar to me not leaping back into running. Scared and mortal. That's me and Capt'n Phil. We're like that :)

The Alaska Experiment also looks interesting. Makes me want to go survive in the wild. But after my experience becoming one of the Frozen Chosen, I know I don't like being bone cold for more than a couple minutes at a time. Reminds me of wanting to blog about "Type E" personalities. That will have to be another day. For now... to bed with me.

Friday, April 3, 2009

And sometimes it is good...

Thursday I went for a run at Rancho San Antonio open space park with some of my friends. This time the fast guys got there first and started before I got there.. so my 'slower' friends waited for me. The three of us ran and talked and ran. Then I got to show them a different route to run .. one that goes over a different big hill, with a different view of the San Francisco bay and a different meadow where turkeys and deer were browsing in the afternoon sun. We ran about 5 miles.. and when we finished we felt good, not too tired (though it was not an easy route) and not too fresh. That perfect point of goodness you get every once in a while on a run.

And I felt like a runner again. And that was good.

Going to run at another of my favorite places tomorrow for 14 miles or so, with some more good friends... then breakfast and talking and hanging out. That will be good too.

About my siblings...

this is from an email... but this is worth putting on a blog for all the world to see....


Whenever I watch Hell's Kitchen I think of how Kelly would cook with the best of them and do it with a style, grace, humility and humor that would put the brats on that show to shame. And she's probably do it with Adora in one hand too! And whenever I think of Kelly I think how she took the path I initially traveled and improved on it 100 fold. I want to go back to school!

When I think of Chris I'm always reminded of the phrase "Physician Heal Thyself" and I see how chris is doing that every day and in the process being a wonderful father, excellent practitioner, expert in sarcasm, cool blogger and kick ass runner and I wonder how can I do that (ALL of it, except the father bit.. I have to be a mom)!

When I think of Sara I wonder how I managed to not get to know her as well as I want to now. I think of how Sara has succeeded in being a musician with a music related job and how she perseveres and doesn't take shit from anyone. And how I wish I could do that :)

And Rob, I will never forget changing your diapers Rob. But I wouldn't imagine doing it now. Rob brings me music and joy and pride again... I am always so happy to be around Rob and brag about what he does. I think of Rob's quiet side... I think we all have a quiet side. And I know Rob has the adventurous side too... and when I race I keep thinking if Rob ever trained he'd beat me soundly, and I wonder would that be so bad? Or would it be another reason to be proud.

When I think of Cathy I am so impressed and proud. When I struggle and research how to figure out growth rates I know that Cathy could explain to me what all this stuff really means. I remember challenging Cathy to get a C and find out she can survive getting a C. And now I think what a stupid challenge that was. The other day I was challenged by my friends to run in a different wave than my bib said I should. I did it, I wasn't struck by lightning, but it was just as uncomfortable. And I always smile when I remember when Cathy came out and told all of us about it in an email and told us all we will just have to deal with it. And then the unanimous response was so positive... that's what sibs are for.

And Tom... my god, you were four when I moved out, I remember having to wake you up to make sure you were breathing. And now you're working on nuclear submarines. And you always pitch in and help and care where every you are. I will never forget you helping us scrub our carpet before that BBQ.You've got attitude and humor and love.

And when I think of US.. the sibs.. I always get a little tear in my eyes. Tear of happiness and pride and longing for your company again. When you are the oldeset one of the disadvantages is leaving before the sibs grew up.. but that's how it had to be. In the mean time I am SO glad that we've been able to remain close via email, share challenges and adventures, and I cannot wait to spend time with you all in May. I love you guys and cannot imagine where I would be or what life would be like without you. Frankly I don't want to. I feel a bit sad that Katie won't know what life is like with a sibling.. but that's the way it is too. She has you all too, even Jeff does and HE loves it.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool

I'm not feeling all that fool right now. But Happy First Day of April. I renewed my drivers license today and paid property taxes.. in a way doing both of those things on April 1st is somewhat appropriate.

What IS the point of this blog thing again?

Monday, March 30, 2009

No running like the wind this spring..

Change in plans. Was going to attempt a PR at the Eugene Marathon this May. Events and, perhaps, a bit of caution, have finally convinced me to not do that. My gall bladder will be removed a week from today. Coach doesn't want me to attempt a marathon 4 weeks later. Coach is a smart guy. I'll save the PR Marathon attempt for another day. This winter I hope.

My running has not been very swift recently. But I've had some fun.. running over the Golden Gate bridge and doing the Mud Run. Trying to make the most of my running before the surgery.. just in case.

I'm hoping removing the gall bladder will remove the ax from over my head... you know, the ax saying I could die if I have another pancreas attack. *ugh* I could die if I cross the street at the wrong time, but you know what I mean. With the ax gone and a week of rest (I'll be taking 5 days off from work to recuperate). I hope I'll start having energy again and start running fast again. I'm starting to feel like a 3rd wheel with some of my running friends. :( probably just being negative...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Idiocracy

I'm watching the movie "Idiocracy" right now, on comedy central. The weird thing is... the commercials on comedy central are not so far from the world described in Idiocracy. A little disturbing.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Random Thoughts

Been reviewing various marathon options.. in case I do not PR in Oregon, which I most likely won't. And out of curiousity. I'd love to run in Sedona, Az.

Curious.. I ran 15 miles today.. "only" 15 miles. For some reason, a run doesn't lose the "only" designation until it hits the 16 mile mark. That's for next week.

Got a Kindle 2 and LOVE it. Cool, cool, cool... I'm reading again. I'm already 34% finished with the first book I purchased. I know its 34% because the kindle tells me so.

Have to decide if I will keep my gall bladder in the near term or not. Doc says it should go.. but I don't know. I don't want to remove any organs unnecessarily.

Foot hurts.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Cognitive Dissonance...

Cognitive Dissonance.. I've always liked the term. It has a cool sound to it... "dissonance" especially sounds like a sound. If you know what I mean.

Anyway, I've been struggling with a bit of cognitive dissonance recently. A struggle between my image of myself as a healthy person (a marathoner who generally takes care of herself), and this new experience of being a person who goes to the hospital "a lot". By "a lot" I mean more than never. Or more than visiting others who are in the hospital. Before 3 months ago the only time I was in the hospital for me was the birth of my daughter, a happy, healthy, planned event. Tuesday, December 16, 2008 all that changed.

I feel sorta selfish taking up the bits to type out this whole thing, but its been bugging me and maybe writing it out will help. So skip if you want... or read on if you like.

The weekend before was somewhat typical. Run 10 miles Saturday, manage a software release Saturday night (that took a lot of extra time due to system problems), get up early Sunday and run 17 miles in the forest. Breakfast with friends, chew out the husband for not being healthy because he had been to the hospital a couple times with various unknown and undiagnosable ailments over the years and now his leg hurts just from being alive. Get a bit of rest and go to work the next day. Work the next day is supremely stressful (as normal). And I'm hurting pretty bad and taking a lot of ibuprofen (also normal after running so much over the weekend). Pick up my daughter from school, get bad Chinese food, bring that home, eat the bad Chinese food and drink wine to try to relax. Sleep.

Tuesday, wake up early for a 7 AM con call. My stomach and back hurts, I figure the stomach problem is from bad food, back problem probably from running. So I have some tea, pop some tums, eat some oatmeal and wait for it to go away. It just gets worse and worse. But stupid me, I keep working, keep calling into conference calls, etc. Stomach and back keep hurting, ibuprofen doesn't help. Then the nausea starts... I throw up, but its not blood, so I figure its not urgent. Keep working, keep puking, finally around 3PM after I delay a con call and then have to drop off a couple times to throw up, I figure maybe I should stop working and try to rest. I call my husband and ask him to bring home some pepto and chicken soup as he picks up the kiddo from school. He gets home some time after 6 and it keeps hurting more. Finally I figure, maybe I should do something about this. I call the nurse help line, describe the symptoms and she says I should head to the ER. So we pack up and head to the ER. I figure they'll tell me I have indigestion and to go home.... we get there around 8:30, they actually "see me" at 11:30. I'm admitted to the hospital at 1:30 AM Wednesday with a diagnosis of acute pancreatitis.

So I spend the next day and a half in the hospital on IV drip and no food, letting my pancreas rest and recover. They do ultrasound and MRI and various blood tests. They suspect gall stones, but can't find any. The other common cause is alcohol abuse, I don't drink that much but gladly decide I'll not drink for a very long time. While they do the US they find something they think is a mass on my kidney. Hmmm.. not related to the pancreas, but they strongly suggest I do something about it. I get out of the hospital on Thursday the 18th. Fly to Denver on the 19th, have my first ever bout of heartburn on the 20th, watch the Bronco's play with my dad on the 21st, more heartburn on the 21st and from that day to this, if I'm not taking strong PPI drugs (Nexium is the one I'm on now which works great) I have the worst heartburn and chest pain, no matter what I eat.

Anyway, back to the timeline, hospital, trip to denver, a day at work, visit doctor to get a referral for a CT scan to see if there's really a mass on my kidney, christmas, trip to new mexico to meet my sister's lovely baby, back home. CT scan is finally done after new years eve. The CT is fine, nothing found. No mass, nothing. But heartburn continues, daily pain, nothing seems to work, I try all of the OTC stuff and nothing seems to help. My doc says I may just have to live with it for a year. But she does refer me to a GI doc to followup on the pancreas thing and talk to them about the heart burn. Oh yeah, somewhere in this timeline I run Goofy's race 39.9 miles in 2 days in FL and turn 39.

Go to the GI doc who saw me in the hospital. She is surprised that I haven't had a re-occurrence of the pancreas thing. And she says the heart burn isn't normal. She's also surprised about my blood pressure, it was 150 over 100something. She asks if I'm stressed.. of course I'm stressed. Its crunch time at work. I was working 56 hour weeks not counting commute. She asks how my kid is doing. I say "Oh she's great!" I was wrong. Anyway, she prescribes Nexium and three outpatient procedures to find out about the heartburn and the pancreas.

So the next day I find out the my kiddo is not doing well in school. She's skipping homework assignments and not paying attention in class. I had been so busy with work, that I totally ignored her needs. That's the final straw. I tell my boss I'm not going to be working those hours anymore. And he supports that. Husband and I focus on working with her every night and she seems to be doing better now.

Getting closer to present day... this last week I went in for the outpatient procedures. Tuesday was an EGD (tube down the throat with a camera to look around the insides) and they implanted a Bravo chip to monitor the pH in my gullet and relate that with my heartburn symptoms. For this procedure it was IV sedation. I will hear the results of that in a couple weeks. Thursday was another tube down the throat procedure... an Endoscopic Ultrasound. They did general anesthetic this time. THIS ultrasound found "sludge" in my gall bladder. This sludge could be a cause of acute pancreatitis but its not abnormal to have in the gall bladder. And as a result of all of the sedations, etc I haven't run in a week. I've been feeling a little ill since the last test.. could be my period, could be the anesthetic, could be coming down with a cold.. could just be tired. Who knows? but it sucks.

Anyway... I need to go to the doc again in a couple weeks and find out what she suggests. In the meantime, here's the cognitive dissonance. I'm a healthy person... I run marathons, I never get sick.. I have hundreds of hours of sick time. But here I am, doctor's visits, hospital visits, not feeling good, not running. Daughter needs help in school. Part of me wants to be laid off from work so I can rest.. another part knows that if I was I would be even more stressed because of finances.

I feel like if I accept this as "reality" it means I'm an unhealthy person... I'm afraid to be unhealthy. Afraid to be sick. Or maybe the fact is just that I'm human and sometimes humans break down a bit.

I'm writing this note from a hotel room in Novato, CA. My hubby and daughter are out for dinner with some good friends of ours. I've been feeling too crappy today to go out. This weekend is a race weekend, NASA is the organization that we've been racing and volunteering with for almost 9 years now. Tomorrow may have 5" of rain! We're looking forward to it. Even more I'm looking forward to Monday. Its a day off and we don't have any plans. Perhaps I can sleep. I'm looking forward to next week when I can start running again. It does add to my busy schedule, but as they say "running is cheaper than therapy" and.. I'm hoping to PR in May, I doubt I will, but I'll take being able to run another Marathon as a large victory... and being able to run this week as a small one.

That's a story for another day... and I do feel better after writing this. I guess its OK to admit I'm afraid.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The benefits of a good run...

This morning I did a 17K trail run with about 2,000 ft of climbing. And the amazing thing was, it went much better than expected. I ran with a bunch of people in our training team. They've all been doing much more hill running than I have in the last 3 months. I certainly wasn't the fastest, but I didn't finish last either, AND I found most of the hills runnable.

I haven't had a great run in a long time, and a great run can make the whole day potentially great. Which is a great thing... work has been crazy, I have two DR appts coming up this week that are a bit scary. So a good run makes for a good day.

Yes I will post about something else some day.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Coincidence? or way of life...

Been a while since I blogged. A LONG while... (July 2007 to Feb 2009 long) but just recently I did another one of those go-to-an-amusement-park-to-run-a-long-way things. This time it was Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge. January 9 & 10 at Walt Disney World parks in Orlando, FL. It was called Goofy's Race because you have to be Goofy to do it. You run a half marathon one day, then run a full marathon the next day. The 5 hours walking around the parks the day of the half is the "Goofy Stupid" option according to my hubby. I did very well actually, all things considered. I didn't really train very well for the race. I had a series of strange illnesses between my prior marathon and the Goofy race including a trip to the hospital and a week of "no running allowed" on doctor's orders following the hospital visit.

What was the race like? Well, the half was nice. I planned on running a 12 minute mile pace which for me is a relaxed, mellow, not in a hurry and enjoy the scenery marathon pace. I ran along a bit too fast until I caught up with someone else from my training group. She was running the race on hurt feet. So I ran with her the rest of the way and ended up doing almost exactly as planned. It was fun and we stopped for pictures with the disney characters.

Then comes the full... I was dreading this part of the event. Worried about the possibility of whatever happened to me the last time I ran a 10 miler followed by a 17 miler and ending up in the hospital. I was also not too happy about having spent the afternoon walking around DisneyWorld's Magic Kingdom the day of the half. Adding insult to already sore feet. But, I started anyway... with thoughts of "This seemed like a good idea a year ago" running through my head. It wasn't near as hard as usual for me to run "slow" I quickly "achieved" my target pace of 13 minute miles and cruised along. I ran alone, my friends were all in corrals in front of or behind me.

Everything went well until about mile 15 when my right foot started hurting bad, then the left foot did, the knees got into it on and off.. but it was mostly the right foot. That foot has been giving me problems for months, still does today. The pace quickly fell towards 14 minute miles.. but in the last 6 miles I was sick and tired of running and hurting and picked up the pace instead. I limped my way to the end of the race faster and faster, just wanting it to be OVER. Then I finished right next to a guy in mickey mouse ears. But at least it was over. And it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would! (Which brings to mind the obvious question.. if you thought it would hurt worse, why did you do it?) :)

In the end I did the half right around 2:30 and the full at 5:36, both right at my target times. Not too shabby for an out of shape runner who turned 39 the next day... 39.3 miles before the 39th birthday.

So, coincidence or way of life.. my two blog posts so far are about running races in Disney parks. Honestly, I don't like Disney... so Disney is not the way of life.. but running is. So get used to it. You're likely to hear quite a bit about it.